An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, with picnic tables, horseshoe courts,
and some apple and peach trees.
The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was
built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as
he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a
five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he
heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw
it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the
women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you
leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim
naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he
said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Joke of the Day
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an axe and two 38s!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.'
'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an axe and two 38s!'
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Joke of the Day
Two men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke.
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. The other man replies " Yes I do." and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies, "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "
"Sure," says the other man, "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing."
"Ok I will." says the other. As he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says "I want a million bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.
And the guy says to the other "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
He asks the other guy if he has a lighter. The other man replies " Yes I do." and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter.
Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies, "Oh I have a personal genie."
The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "
"Sure," says the other man, "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing."
"Ok I will." says the other. As he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants. The man says "I want a million bucks "
The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head.
And the guy says to the other "Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn't he?"
The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?"
Friday, December 4, 2015
Joke of the Day
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big, I mean *really* big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-a** grill for one little weenie?!"
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-a** grill for one little weenie?!"
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Joke of the Day
Two young lovers went up to the mountains for a romantic winter
vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some
wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm
them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes
back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!" She
says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *ears*
ever get cold?"
vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some
wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!"
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm
them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes
back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!" She
says again, "Well put them here between my legs and warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night.
When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your *ears*
ever get cold?"
The Beginning
Welcome. Welcome to the beginning of what I hope to be a continual journey in the realm of laughs and entertainment. Welcome to a place of music and laughter. A place for those to sit back in a corner, drink a cup of coffee and listen to cool jazz (or whatever else you prefer) while they hear the best jokes from around the world. A cafe, a lounge, deep in the recesses of the Internet, for those to simply relax and enjoy the good times in life, because far too often we forget these things.
Music is great. Jokes are great. Music and jokes together are heaven (or so I'm told). That's the mission of this blog, to provide music and to provide jokes.
A word of warning: these aren't going to be your run-of-the-mill "Why did the chicken cross the road?" type-jokes. Some will be crass, and some will be offensive. However, they will not be racist. If you want racist jokes, there's plenty of places on reddit for that. And to go along with that, they will edited for swearing.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, sit back, relax and enjoy the music and the jokes.
Music is great. Jokes are great. Music and jokes together are heaven (or so I'm told). That's the mission of this blog, to provide music and to provide jokes.
A word of warning: these aren't going to be your run-of-the-mill "Why did the chicken cross the road?" type-jokes. Some will be crass, and some will be offensive. However, they will not be racist. If you want racist jokes, there's plenty of places on reddit for that. And to go along with that, they will edited for swearing.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, sit back, relax and enjoy the music and the jokes.
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